Everything Will Be Ok

When the notification ringtone sounded on my phone, I glanced down at my cracked phone screen, and to my surprise, I had received an email from the BYU CES-Applications. My heart pounded like a drum in some punk-rock teenage boy band while I refrained from opening the email that would determine the rest of my life. I took a deep breath while every muscle in my body tightened with an indubitable fear of opening an "you're not good enough for us" rejection letter from the university of my dreams, BYU Hawaii. (Just so you know, I literally dream about BYU Hawaii)

Weeks before I even received a response, I had thought about what I would do if BYU Hawaii didn't accept me, and I assured myself that they wouldn't accept me. Every alternative kept my mind engaged long hours into the night. I had to sketch many decision-making charts in my head to help come up with the best solution possible. After giving much thought into my options, I came up with a few pathetic alternatives to my dream life in Hawaii:

1. Run away to Ecuador and serve for nine months, or

2. Go to USU and feel miserable.

Everything in my life seemed unsatisfactory.

For a while, my parents didn't support me, actually, nobody supported me in any of my decisions, especially BYU Hawaii. However, they did approve USU, but only because they wanted proximity. They wanted me to stay close. A little too close, if you ask me. The only cheerleader who root for me on my side of the field was my AP Language Composition teacher, and she's the one who convinced me to apply for BYU Hawaii in the first place. She has told many stories about driving around the island while listening to music so loud that the speakers in her car would almost explode. I've heard stories about meeting, or stocking, some of the most musically famous somebodies at the beach: Jack Johnson, Justin Beiber, and a few others which I do not recall. Her reaction to life is so laid back. She inspires me daily and she doesn't even know it. The most important thing she has ever told me will stick with me for the rest of my life: Everything will always be okay. All of my life mentors have told me so. Truth must linger in such a statement. If not, well, my life mentors wouldn't be mentors at all, would they?

It interests me to know that two of my three life mentors have no idea of how much influence they my decisions and my life as a whole. Life is so astonishing; life is breathtaking; life is overwhelming. They teach me so everyday. Intriguingly enough, my life mentors happen to be my English teachers. I don't know why I chose them, but I do know that I am extremely strict and skeptical when it comes to selecting my life mentors. And maybe my mentors will change as I get older, but I highly doubt that one will ever be eliminated from the list. They're too brilliant. I owe them at least that much.

If you have never selected a life mentor, I advise you to do so. Choose a good one, and better that you find one sooner than later. They will force you beyond your own confinements, and by doing so, they will save you from physical, mental and spiritual destruction. One cannot simply live an effective life without any life mentors, kind of like how sports teams can't function without a good coach. Your mentors are your coaches, so choose wisely.

The other day, I called my life mentor, Jaime. We talked about my college plans, about life. I told her about my dilemmas, I told her the alternatives of my dream life, and I told her that I'd rather run to Ecuador than go to USU. Of course I wouldn't go to Ecuador for the heck of it, I'd be working and doing humanitarian service there. Jaime strongly advised that I rethink that decision. She proposed an extremely imperative question to me:

"Why are you going?"

"If you're going because you want to get away, because you don't want to face the college life yet, you most certainly should not go. Now, if you're going for the right reasons, because you want to serve others, then go. Don't skip college now because you'll have to go eventually, and the longer you wait, the harder it will get."

It is rare that I would ever lie, especially to someone who means so much to me. I wanted Ecuador mostly because of its geographical location, and I could push college back another year if it meant I'd have to go to USU. After a long discussion on the who's and what's of life, she told me the same thing that all of my life mentors tell me: Everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay...

But what if everything isn't okay? What if I don't have enough money for college? What happens if  I don't graduate? What if I die tomorrow? Everything will be okay?

I think about that all of the time, and every time I acknowledge a life improvement, something bad happens. I thought that showing gratitude for what you have instead of disdain for what you don't have would make life better, not worse.

When will everything be okay?

I want that. I want it so bad. Oh, the things I would do to have reassuring feelings that everything will always be okay.

Two weeks ago, I didn't care about life; and then a baby choked and died, and a teenage boy at a local junior high committed suicide. Will everything be okay? For at least a week straight, all of my journal entries debated whether or not I wanted to live with pain or die without peace of mind. To be, or not to be, that was the question...

But after attending the funeral of the baby who choked and died, I understand that life is precious. Now I really know for myself that funerals can be so cathartic.

My problems seemed so insignificant. Everyone else had worse dilemmas than I did, or at least that's what my peers tried to tell me. Maybe I've over exaggerated my problems. Maybe my problems are actually solutions to a bigger, more conspicuous dilemma.

But if you were wondering, BYU Hawaii accepted me.

So,

Maybe everything will be okay.