I'll be quite honest, this post high school graduate isn't doing so well. Graduation was the most liberating experience of my life, yet I feel so trapped, so limited. I don't sleep at night, either. My days and nights have become more routine than they were during school:
I've been thinking a lot lately(I know, it's strange that I'm thinking) about exactly why I wanted to graduate so badly. Being a student isn't easy. There's always this burdensome feeling that if you don't pass that one math test, you might as well drop out and call it quits. That feeling that if you aren't as smart as your peers, and if you don't have a good enough GPA, you won't go to college. Graduating high school lifted that burden. Now, I feel as if it doesn't matter if I fail at anything, I'll just have to try it again, or try something new. In high school, I felt like I had to compete with my peers to succeed. It seemed as though only one person could win. As a whole, I'm glad high school has ended for me.
- Wake up, get out of bed.
- Eat breakfast
- Write or watch Fringe
- Eat Lunch
- Watch Fringe
- Go to work
- Watch Fringe
- Write pathetic teenage girl journal entries about never finding love
- Cry
- Go to bed (usually at 5 or 6 AM)
- REPEAT
When I first diagnosed myself with senioritis, I thought there would be no end to high school. It was miserable, but now that I've graduated, I find myself in an even larger bind. For some odd reason, I feel so alone. I still have three months until I go to Hawaii, but I just can't wait any longer. (These next three months will be the end of me!) I'm at that point where I hesitate trying to further relationships and make new ones because I'm Hawaii bound. Goodbyes really scare me, I feel like the moment I leave, everyone I love will forget me. Even though it is inevitable, I'm scared they will all carry on without me. Life will always go on. People will always move on, and there is nothing I can do to prevent it.
Graduation weekend was a bit of a handful. That same week I moved out and got a new job. I don't think you want to know about the new job. All I need to say is that telemarketing is definitely not the job for me. I quit instantly...the next week (In case you didn't figure it out, that was a Hot Rod reference). If you haven't worked telemarketing, just rub a cheese grater against face. You'll catch on immediately.
Graduation weekend was a bit of a handful. That same week I moved out and got a new job. I don't think you want to know about the new job. All I need to say is that telemarketing is definitely not the job for me. I quit instantly...the next week (In case you didn't figure it out, that was a Hot Rod reference). If you haven't worked telemarketing, just rub a cheese grater against face. You'll catch on immediately.
I've been thinking a lot lately(I know, it's strange that I'm thinking) about exactly why I wanted to graduate so badly. Being a student isn't easy. There's always this burdensome feeling that if you don't pass that one math test, you might as well drop out and call it quits. That feeling that if you aren't as smart as your peers, and if you don't have a good enough GPA, you won't go to college. Graduating high school lifted that burden. Now, I feel as if it doesn't matter if I fail at anything, I'll just have to try it again, or try something new. In high school, I felt like I had to compete with my peers to succeed. It seemed as though only one person could win. As a whole, I'm glad high school has ended for me.
